Loving Your Neighbor- A Lesson on Survival

After closing a rather archaic issue of Time magazine, titled The Columbine Effect, I was left feeling sick to my stomach. Leafing through the pages of the magazine, I noticed that the various gunmen involved in other school shootings were said to have been victims of mockery and abuse. Many people feel that children can never be mocked to the excess of turning to violence in retaliation. They are confident that there is something else, other than mockery, that fuels the violent responses from this growing population of individuals. Others argue that mockery should be considered a probable cause of why students commit crimes such as these. Exactly how far fetched is this theory really?

It seems almost absurd to think that being made fun of, or being a target of verbal or physical abuse, would not cause a person's emotions to stir. Being harassed can cause almost anyone to react defensively or make even the nicest individual desire revenge. However, the dilemma lies in the fact that each person handles these emotions differently. For instance, when I was younger, a little boy in my preschool class was always taunting me. He annoyed me to no end and laughed at me all the time. I assume that one day I felt I had had enough of him, because when he least expected, I sank my teeth into his back. A few years later, my cousins and I were jumping on a trampoline with the neighbor kids, when with one buoyant jump, I caused one of the boys to fall off. Despite whether or not it was appropriate timing, which it obviously wasn't, I laughed hysterically. He had taken an incredibly awkward looking spill and I found it incredibly humorous. Unfortunately, my friend was not pleased that I was laughing at his expense, so he picked himself up out of the dirt and slapped me squarely in the face. These examples by no means insinuate that this behavior is criminal, but simply aid in emphasizing that most people have the tendency to defend themselves when provoked by someone or something, and the reactions of each individual cannot be predicted.

For some, mocking others has become a hobby, a past time. Unfortunately, people rarely stop to think about the effects of a single statement. No one pauses to ponder if his words might hurt someone, or worse, his intention is to do exactly that. Even if he does take a moment to contemplate, just for a second, the long term effects on someone else, he rarely cares enough to keep the words from swiftly spilling from his mouth. Mockery has become yet another jagged little pill we are forced to swallow day in and day out as we live. We are taught to deal with it, to accept the fact that we will inevitably be made a joke at one point or another. Sadly, there is a lot of truth to this realization. We live in a cruel world, and no matter how many tolerance programs we promote in school or in the work place, cruel people will continue to inhabit it. Although I want to believe that peace on Earth will someday be more than lyrics to a song, I feel that we are far from a Utopian society where we all hold hands and sing Kumbaya. Am I suggesting that you throw in the towel and just treat people however you want, because putting people down is a part of life and our nation may never be a unified body? No. Despite the fact that your actions can't speak to everyone, your actions still speak. Tolerance is not enough. We should strive to love people instead of just tolerate them, regardless of whether or not harmony is a distant hope. It's hard, I know. Sometimes it feels impossible, but God calls us to love one another and that means more than just putting up with someone.

One of the many definitions of the word "love" is "the affectionate concern for the well being of others." Doesn't it feel good just to read that statement? "The affectionate concern for the well being of others..." Ah. Yes. The act of genuinely caring enough for an individual to do more than just show minimal respect, actually get to know them.

I don't have the cure for cancer, or the answer to world hunger and poverty, but one thing I do know is that loving others, if only in the friendship sense of the word, brings about plenty of positive engery. It makes others feel good, as well as yourself, and it might even save your life someday.

The Break-Ups and Downs- A Lesson on Dating

You know that you are blessed when the most miserable experience of your teenage life consists of being dumped after a three year high school relationship. While some struggled with being accepted by the "in-crowd," eating disorders and thoughts of suicide, I was simply flying solo. In reality, there are bigger problems than being sixteen and single, but at the time, my new found status as an "ex-girlfriend" felt like the equivalent of a nuclear war. My life as I knew it was over, or so it seemed, and I had no idea how to begin creating a new identity aside from "him."

The most difficult component of my struggle to survive without him was that I, as I am sure most girls have done in the past, had foolishly framed my entire future around my relationship. Over the course of our three years together, he had not only inherited the role of my boyfriend, but also my best friend. We were smitten with each other, very happy and very much in love for at least two of the three years we spent as a couple. I like to say we grew up together because I believe that the years making up junior high and high school are when you begin to grow into the person you will become as an adult. Therefore, the people with whom you choose to surround yourself from seventh grade until your senior year are the people after whom you may mold your character. We both agreed that the fundamental elements in bringing us together were our personalities. We also agreed that the major component leading to our separation was lack there of. If you're not careful, relationships can tend to rape you of your individuality. You can often become too dependent on your significant other and lose yourself in the process. Unfortunately, neither one of us realized our dependency on the other until we were both so broken from months of forced happiness.

I was sure of what was in store for the rest of my life. I was going to graduate high school and attend college for the four or five years that it took me to finally be able to teach kindergarten. Soon after graduating college, I was going to marry my high school sweetheart at the determined age of twenty four, teach for two years and then take some time off to raise our children. I had a picture of my wedding dress ripped out of a magazine, my dream house perfectly designed and our non-existent children fully named. The only thing I was lacking was the husband with which I had planned this entire fairy tale around. I was quick to build my life around him without even considering that I might not be with him forever, so when our relationship ended, I was baffled as to what to do with myself.

I spent months struggling to smile, struggling to bury my feelings and move on. It wasn't until nearly a year later that I made the decision to stop wallowing in self pity and live out the rest of my days as God intended. During my "blue period," someone enlightened me to the adventures ahead. "If it's not him, it's someone better than him," she said. She was right. I believe there are people who's soul purpose for entering your life is to help you decide what traits to look for in a partner and what kinds of qualities to heed. Of course, you don't need a significant other to survive. Most of us just want someone with which to share the ups and downs. That's normal, but not necessary.

The trials and tribulations of your first love make up a chapter in your life that you will never forget. Though you may strive with everything from which you are made to erase an ever present passion, or efface the ominous pain from which you cannot hide, times like these will forever remain as fossils on the scratched and scarred surface of your heart. You will discover, however, as time goes on, that life does just that; it moves forward. There's a reason you don't cease to exist the moment your heart gets broken, and that's because there's more to your story than just some kid you dated once. Despite the break-ups, the pain of rejection, the tears- the world keeps on spinning, and if you hang in there just a little bit longer, you'll be impressed by your inner strength and the happiness that follows.